What if you are doing everything right?

It was a usual Saturday morning, and I had a call scheduled with someone I was dating at the time. Our conversations ranged from the day-to-day mundane to spirituality, philosophy, and so much more. I generally really enjoyed our conversations, but something happened that day that just shook me to my core. An idea so profound it had never occurred to me, even through the countless books and podcasts I had consumed.

I was describing to him the challenges I was facing in my life at the time, and we were brainstorming potential solutions together. But the question I was really trying to ask him was what I was doing wrong in all these circumstances and how my leaning towards more self-responsibility had to be the solution to every problem I faced. But at one point, we both agreed that it was all too complex and there was no "right" solution. Just one I had to pick and bear the consequences. And he asked me, "Hey, have you ever considered if you are doing everything right?".

It took me a moment to internalize what he had just said, but as soon as his sound waves and my comprehension intersected, my world was turned upside down. I was so confused as to why this idea challenged every way I functioned up until that point in my life. He got startled to think he said something offensive, but I was in my mind trying to figure out when I would unlock all the answers that this question prompted within me.

That afternoon, I got to work. I started journaling, which eventually uncovered what was happening to me. Turns out I had been living my life in a "fix thyself" mode. This basically means I saw myself and my life as a series of problems to be fixed and solved. Many people I know who are into self-improvement are in this mode. Additionally, I uncovered that I have a moral compass that insists on always being the right thing to do and picking that course of action. This, combined with a healthy dose of imposter syndrome, positioned me in a great place to find the question above truly appalling.

The notion that I could be doing everything right meant that I externalized the solutions to my problems in a deterministic way. That it already exists somewhere out there and is waiting for me to grasp it. But this question made me ponder what if "the right thing" to do is just do my best continuously with the given context, tools, and urgency. My perfectionist tendencies further resisted this, but I had to come to terms with the fact that I am, in fact, to everyone's dismay, not god.

That Saturday night, I went to bed a little more mindful of my tendencies, detangled, and relaxed.

So, if you can relate to any of this and aren't on the narcissism spectrum, I invite you to ask yourself periodically,

"What if you are doing everything right?"

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